* Loud People

…
People, people, people…

Please…!!

Volume does not *necessarily* make things better

For example…

Chav and Ned commuters
Playing your thumpy thumpy gerbil-heartbeat-bpm smurf-voice-go-techno nonsense at full volume through your tiny tinny mobile phone speaker on the bus does not make it good; in fairness, nothing would make that good, so just shut the hell up.
Perhaps the rest of us should play some full volume Barry Manilow or Val Doonican as revenge?

Ladies of all ages
Screetching things does not make you seem popular and clever and all Sarah Jessica Parker Sex-in-the-City sophisticated-like.
It just draws attention to the fact that you are a loud annoying orange-skinned bad-blonde-hair-job alcopop-swigging Senga wearing Primark clothes that are 2 sizes too small.

People who think they are intelligent
Saying something loud does not magically transform it into something witty and clever.
No amount of volume when you say things like “But I think you’ll find that on reflection, Posh Spice is *actually* the very embodiment of the ironic, in-control, post-modern feminist” is going to do that.

Pubs and bars
Suddenly turning the music volume up from, say 3 to 11 in one go at 7pm on a Friday night will not automatically bestow your place with atmosphere and turn it into party-central, it just pee’s off the punters who nipped in for a post-work pint because now they can’t hear themselves think let alone b1tch about their idiot workmates.

So if you and every other plank that thinks that louder is *always* better and that it is their inalienable human right to be as loud as possible all the time could just drop dead or at least keep it down a bit, that would be great.


NB: I posted a much swearier version of this on Holy Moly earlier today, but toned it down a bit (a lot) for public consumption on here...